One of the transitions that post-grad life came with was also navigating the waves of life without a partner. While I chose not to write about relationships in this space since there’s a time for everything, it wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t at least give myself permission to dish on some valuable lessons that I’ve gained along the way. Also, by no means is this post meant to put me into the love coach categories but there’s still space and place for my observations in this category. By the way, God, if you’re listening (or at least reading this post), please—no more life lessons with these fellas, abeg.

The Single Girl Experience: Reality Check

Surrounded by couples everywhere, I now find myself sticking out like a sore thumb as a single woman. The first year of going through birthdays and significant holidays tends to hit the hardest, no matter how many self-care appointments you book to ease the sting of that permanent transition. But by year two? If you’re not already snatched, you’ve grown to embrace your own company and enjoy your freedom. Whether it’s solo brunches, deep convos with friends, or swiping through dating apps with a healthy level of skepticism, you start seeing dating for what it is: a journey, not a race.

And speaking of journeys, let’s talk about two of the biggest dating patterns I’ve come across as a young single gal living in the city (okay, the burbs)  —love bombing and slow-burn relationships.

The Illusion of Love Bombing → The Trap of Love Bombing: Why It Feels So Real

I’ve met some fellas (looking at you sideways) who followed the classic love bombing playbook. For those of you lucky enough to be off the market, here’s what love bombing looks like. Like a fireworks show; love bombing is intense, dazzling, passionate, and over-the-top. It feels incredible at first: empty grand gestures, endless compliments, and an almost too-good-to-be-true energy. It sweeps you up in a whirlwind of attention, making you feel unique and chosen with non-stop texts and calls. 

I won’t lie; it does feel incredible—like a fairytale romance. I once met someone who showered me with compliments on my blog, my carefully curated socials, and my overall vibe. But just as quickly as the fireworks started, they fizzled out. Turns out, he was more in love with the idea of me than the actual person behind the aesthetic. That’s the thing about love bombing—it prioritizes speed over substance. It prioritizes shallow waters over deep plunging territories. It tricks you into believing you’ve found the perfect relationship when it’s often just an illusion. And let’s be real: you don’t need another short-lived illusion just for the plot.

The Beauty of a Slow Burn → Why Slow-Burn Love Feels Different (And Why It Works)

Then, I experienced something entirely different—a connection that was intentional, steady, and calm. There were no grand displays, just consistent effort, clear communication, and a sense of emotional security. Unlike love bombing, a slow-burn connection allows both people to show up as their authentic selves—no pressure, no unrealistic expectations. It values presence over performance, and that’s where true intimacy begins.

If you’re used to whirlwind romances (guilty), stepping into a slow-burn dynamic might feel like nothing is happening. And that’s a valid feeling! But listen—some of the best love stories don’t explode like fireworks. They unfold, layer by layer, revealing their beauty over time.

The In-Between: → The Reality of Intentional Dating: When Slow Burns Don’t Last

Here’s the tricky part: even a well-paced connection doesn’t always lead to a relationship. Sometimes, a slow burn is just a phase of exploration—a way to figure out if two people are truly compatible beyond initial attraction.

It’s tough, but it’s also a valuable lesson. Slow doesn’t always mean forever. The unfortunate reality is that even with the best intentions, feelings can grow unevenly, expectations may shift, and one may realize that while the connection was meaningful, it wasn’t meant to last as they hoped. Sometimes, the most meaningful connections are the ones that teach us about ourselves rather than lead us to a romantic destination…but dear God…please, no more lessons; the girlies are tiyad!

What I’m Taking Forward

These experiences have reshaped the way I approach dating. While love bombing may be exciting, I’ve learned that the best relationships aren’t always about instant chemistry but about compatibility, patience, and shared values. So, if you’re navigating your own dating journey, I encourage you to look beyond the initial rush. True connection isn’t about how quickly someone can make you feel special—it’s about how deeply they choose to know you over time.

Now, your turn:

Have you ever experienced love bombing or a slow-burn romance? Please drop a comment, i’d love to hear your stories!

Sophie